Just a disclaimer: this blog deals with some sensitive issues such as pregnancy, childbirth, reproductive health, and mental health (specifically depression). I also have strong opinions about social media, as well as screen time and social media for children, which may come up in this post or others. These are not a criticism of the views of any reader; they’re just mine.

I wanted to mark my return to work with a blog post, because I haven’t managed to write anything since um, July 2024. I have certainly worked on some drafts, including this one, but I haven’t completed anything!

Anyway, let’s dive in. I mostly wanted to talk about social media and privacy (what a surprise!) as well as my pre- and post-birth experiences.

Once I knew I was pregnant, I tried my hardest to avoid getting profiled by social media, retailers, and the internet in general. I used separate email addresses (both a privacy focused service and an aliasing service), and always used a VPN and private browser. The Instagram algorithm still got me, even before I announced the pregnancy after our 12 week scan.

I was enjoying the Mumsnet group for people with babies due in November 2024, but a few weeks after I joined it, they all moved to Facebook. I have not used Facebook since I spent a weekend in 2020 clearing everything off my profile. I wanted to stay anonymous and chat; why would I want to move to Facebook and let the most heinous Meta algorithm know every detail of my pregnancy and share it with all its partners across the internet? I had already decided that I wanted to get rid of social media after a certain date. This led me to wonder – what happens when my son joins school or social groups and social media is the only option? I hope things change by then, but I’m not planning on capitulating either way.

From September onwards, I dedicated a lot of my time at work to documenting everything I did – I have a long-standing reputation of inheriting and holding on to the support for small systems or tasks that nobody else does. I was attending the office fortnightly, but my managers were fantastic and let me work from home from 37 weeks. I decided to chance working right up until my due date, since both myself and my husband were late babies – I finished work on the Friday, got admitted to the maternity unit on the Sunday for sudden high blood pressure, and had the baby on the Tuesday on his due date. What a result for maximising my maternity leave with him!

I won’t go into it in detail but I did have a long labour and a traumatic birth, but thanks to the NHS doctors and midwives everything was okay in the end. There’s a lot on the subject of childbirth and the post partum period that nobody tells you about – I already knew I only wanted one child, but even if I didn’t, I certainly wouldn’t be doing it again. I don’t want to put anyone off, but I do want to be honest!

I’m devastated I can’t donate blood any more because I received a transfusion – please consider becoming a blood donor!! And thank you so much to anyone reading this who is already a donor.

Once we were home, I made a concerted effort not to use my phone while my son was awake, aside from the camera and baby tracking app. (As an aside, a baby tracking app is a godsend when you’re sleep deprived and the midwives and health visitors keep asking you how much formula your baby is drinking and how many nappies you’re getting through). I definitely don’t use my phone when my son is in the pram/pushchair or in the baby carrier.

Here’s how the great social media departure went:

My dearest childhood friend got married in April and I desperately wanted to see her honeymoon photos because she went on the Rocky Mountaineer like we did. As soon as she came home, I deactivated Instagram and removed the app from my phone. I made sure I warned my friends and I managed to share my phone number with most of my online-only friends before I deactivated it.

I finally deactivated Facebook, which was a big relief. I had been waiting until my husband no longer needed a Facebook account for his Oculus Quest…you know what people are like if your relationship status changes at all. I kept Messenger for one friend in a country where alternatives aren’t popular, and my hairdresser!

My Mastodon accounts are still active, but I rarely log in. I like the communities on there (I am in the Star Trek community there and I have a professional account for cyber security), but I try to only access them via my PC.

I deleted my X accounts with extreme prejudice – I had been meaning to do this since Musk took over. No further comment!

I wasn’t going to sign up to BlueSky but I had a lot of online friends in the Star Trek community who didn’t migrate to or stick to Mastodon. I have since deactivated my BlueSky account, and am staying in touch with my closest friend via WhatsApp. I hope to see him at conventions again soon!

I hibernated my LinkedIn account, but I didn’t like that they kept emailing me to remind me it was hibernated. I did finally find a way to stop the reminder emails. I don’t miss the unsolicited sales calls to my personal number (I don’t know how salespeople got it), which continued during maternity leave!

I am still using Substack, but I only consume it via email where I can. That’s where I follow a lot of professionals who write about digital minimalism, living offline, and children’s relationship with technology and social media. These are really important subjects to me, and I like receiving them “the old fashioned way”, because Substack, like everything else, has added way too many attention-grabbing features to its app like chats and stories.

I still regularly do Duolingo to maintain my Japanese learning, but I’ve made my profile private which opts me out of the social and notification-heavy aspects like friends and leagues. There’s much less pressure and notifications! I have a few other Japanese learning apps (mostly for the written language) that I dip in and out of too.

I really wanted to use my phone less in general to set a good example for my son, but his contact naps meant it was hard to do anything with pen and paper. He does consistently nap in his cot now, but I’m currently in a place where I use Notion and Day One to record journal entries and other things I don’t want to forget on my phone. They also have web interfaces if I want to use my PC. If I have to use technology for something, it’s nice to use dedicated services for them.

I did manage to renew a Microsoft certification on my laptop with one hand during a contact nap! I wasn’t sure when I would have the time or energy to do it otherwise.

My husband encouraged me to continue my favourite pastimes while on maternity leave to decompress. While my son was asleep on me, I played a lot of games on my Switch Lite rather than playing on the original console connected to the TV. I only ever play single-player offline games like Zelda and Pokémon, so it was easy to just put my Switch Lite in standby and put it aside whenever he woke up.

Last December, I took up “playing” Pokémon Sleep, which was a hilarious thing to do after introducing a newborn baby to my bedroom. However, I really like that you just play it briefly three times a day and it doesn’t keep you enthralled.

Unfortunately, around the eight month mark, my husband knew something wasn’t right with my mood and emotions and asked me to speak to my GP. My GP is an absolute legend of a woman and immediately diagnosed me with post natal depression over the phone, got me an urgent in-person appointment that week, gave me lots of sympathy and encouragement, and prescribed me antidepressants. I’m a lot more level these days and I can’t thank her (and my husband) enough. I’m likely to be on them for at least a year, but it’s working well so I don’t have any issue with that.

I’m now back at work part-time and my son is at nursery or my parents’ several days a week. I do miss him, but I think it’s nice to reclaim some of my identity – other parents will know what I mean! I thought it would end up being a nice quiet time of year to return to work, but there’s plenty of big projects going on as ever. I’ve also been working at Dorset Council for so long that many of the people in my team and service are counted among my best friends (plenty of them were at our wedding!) so it’s been great to see them again regularly too.

As a final thought, I really enjoy the musical play groups run by Dorset Council, as well as their short courses for baby and toddler development. It has been a joy to consume these DC services after working here for so long, and of course the staff are lovely. There are also plenty of rhyme time sessions at my local libraries, if only they weren’t all in his nap windows!

Hope to bring more blogs to you all in 2026 – have a great festive season and a happy new year.

Currently reading: (in various states of progress or hiatus; links go to The Storygraph, NetGalley or BorrowBox)

Substack recommendations: